From Out Of Nowhere

                                                                                              

Just weeks after being slapped with domestic violence charges, Vinnie Vincent has announced that he intends to re-record the Vinnie Vincent Invasion’s second album All Systems Go.  When asked why he wanted to re-record an album that didn’t sell the first time around Vinnie told us “I’m just so broken up about the Casey Anthony verdict that I just don’t know what else to do with myself.”

Congratulations to Coheed & Cambria bassist Michael Todd for being so incredibly stupid to rob a Walgreens and then have a cab take him from the crime scene to the band’s gig in Mansfield Massachusetts. We love it when a story writes itself.

Sessions on the first Aerosmith album in a decade were halted after Steven Tyler could not stop himself from continuing to act like an American Idol judge. Joey Kramer told us “It’s not his criticism of my playing that’s pissing me off so much…it’s when he offers his opinion and then refuses to move on until he hears from Jennifer Lopez and Randy Jackson that’s doing it.” We tried to reach Tyler for comment but he told us he does not speak to Idol contestants unless it’s part of the show. We tried to explain to him that we were journalists but he would not budge.

Doors frontman Jim Morrison died 40 years ago this week. In a strange observance of the lounge singer/bad poet’s passing, 5,000 French fans overdosed on heroin in their bathtubs.

A lawsuit waged by concert going fans let down by the continued absence of lead singer Rodger Hodgson has resulted in Supertramp being forced to change their name to “Below Average Tramp.”

Madonna has entered the studio to record a new album tentatively titled “Lady Gaga Can Kiss My Ass.”

A performance by Sting in Kazakhstan was cancelled after residents of the Central Asian nation rebelled in protest. A spokesman for the insurgent group “Kazaks for Rock” told us the citizens of his country had suffered enough under years of Soviet dominance and did not deserve further anguish at the hands of Sting. We tried to reach Sting for comment but we were told he was in his 78^th hour of tantric sex and would not be available for another week. We had a deadline to meet but at press time, Sting had still not achieved climax.

Former Scorpions drummer Herman Rarebell has announced plans for a book. The autobiography which is titled “Who Would Buy a Book Written by the Former Drummer from the Scorpions” will be out later this year.

Randy Bachman has teamed up with presidential candidate Michelle Bachman and Sarah Palin to form Bachman Palin Overdrive.

Rumors continue to fly in regard to the new Van Halen album. Some say the band is recording demo’s first made in the early 1980’s while other claims place the recordings as originating in the late 1970’s. Former VH singer Sammy Hagar, who can’t shut up for five minutes, claims that despite all you hear about an upcoming album with David Lee Roth and a tour to follow, he believes the audience really wants a Van Hagar reunion above all others. To prove his point, Hagar plans to hold his breath until we all give in.

Speaking of Van Halen, they along with Bruce Springsteen, have been named the top American rock acts by Gibson guitars. Trixter finished a distant third.

One more Sammy Hagar note. We spoke with our cousin Louise “Beadie” O’Neill, a marketing executive with Best Buy and she has informed us that the big box retailer will offer the new Chickenfoot CD for the low price of 55 cents or free with the purchase of any multipack of batteries.

Duran Duran have cancelled summer tour dates after vocalist Simon LeBon blew out his voice at the Cannes Film Festival. The band attempted to use Robert Palmer as a temporary fill-in but forgot the Power Station singer was still dead.

Aberdeen, Washington officials are considering naming a bridge and a small park after native son Kurt Cobain. Unfortunately, the park is a haven for heroin addicts and dealers and the bridge is in dire need of repair as a massive single pothole has put it out of commission.

RIP Rob Grill, the lead singer of The Grass Roots who passed away this week at the age of 67. The passing is particularly tragic for fans of irony as Grill did not die while singing Let’s Live for Today.

Secret Stuff! Come on in the water’s fine! Giving credence that there’s truth to a rumored revival, we’ve heard thru the grapevine that a classic 60’s rock band is close to a full tilt reunion. Will the sweet hitchhikers being run thru the jungle for tickets to see this long out of commission travelling band? Like most reunions this one is being fueled not by a bad moon rising but by the band’s leader’s need for an infusion of cash. We’re hearing that not only is money coming up around the bend but the lead singer o the band wants to stick it to his brother one more time (nevermind the fact he’s dead!) and prove he’s the fortunate son.

Mexican hero Morrissey was injured in a dog attack. We hear he’s fine and that so far no one has been able to determine the sexual preference of the androgynous pooch.

Martin Scorsese is making a film about the life of George Harrison. We’re hearing that the film will star Leonardo DiCaprio as John, Robert DeNiro as Ringo, Joe Pesci as Brian Epstein, Mark Wahlberg as Paul and in his first dramatic role, Weird Al Yankovic as George.

Rumors are swirling that Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr will play as The Beatles during the opening of the 2012 London Olympic games. The two surviving Beatles are said to be joined by the sons of John Lennon and George Harrison. We’re willing to wager an autographed picture of Sean Ono Lennon that the rumored reunion falls apart after Yoko demands the band bill itself as “John Lennon’s Sons,  Another Kid, and Two Old Thieving Bastards.”

The Scorpions will release a 3D concert film in the next few months. The film will be the biggest waste of technology and resources since the Third Reich started World War II.

Despite declining sales throughout the record industry, someone is still putting up money for new Queensryche albums.  Setting money on fire has a higher return on investment than does a new Queensryche record.